Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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