You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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