we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Houston, we have a blender
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
