i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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