It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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