I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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