I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
