Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
