My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
