At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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