pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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