good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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