he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
