me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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