It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
