Everything about him screamed your future.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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