I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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