Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
