sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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