This is not my ceiling
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
