Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
