We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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