gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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