she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
