whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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