It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
