i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
