Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
