Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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