Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
