$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Randomize
