Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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