I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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