Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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