I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
