You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
