You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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