Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I wear drunk well.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
