I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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