I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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