i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
How's work?
Spinning.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
