Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
