Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
