Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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