I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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