My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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