Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
