i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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