whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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