So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
