No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
