guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
