just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize