i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize