something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
