She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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