You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
