Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
