if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
