Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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