Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
