Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
