I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
