Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
