She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
