I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
