You made me cry and you don't even care
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Randomize
