I have demons in me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
