You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
