Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
