Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
