Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
