hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
