So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
