I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
